that sex is always to be provided by the target at the cost of the target’s wellbeing. The abuser pretends sex is outside of the relationship, outside of his abuse: Any arguing, bullying, fighting or abuse of any kind should never interfere with sex. The discomfort, abuse, fear, ugliness, disgust, disrespect, lack of safety, lies, manipulation, loss of dignity, smothering, emotional and physical pain the abuser is causing the target should never matter over sex, according to the abuser. The abuser sets the stage that the target’s dignity has no place when it comes to sex. The abuser decides the target is in the relationship, therefore it is the target’s responsibility to be available for sexual activity no matter how absurd, disgusting, painful, deviant it might be, and no matter what cruelty the abuser has done or said to the target, or how the abuser’s behavior and attitude makes the target feel. The abuser decides he is entitled to sex at any time at any cost, and the target better participate or else. The target’s feelings about it are irrelevant. A perfect example of this behavior is Tina Turner’s story with Ike. If you want to get crystal clear on this form of IPV, read Tina’s story or watch some of the documentaries about her, or watch the movie, Woman Thou Art Loosed. And remember, some of this violence happens to the target without the target ever actually being punched in the face for example. It happens without the abuser themselves breaking the target’s bones. The abuser relieves himself of responsibility of his abuse by saying, “You tripped, fell and hit your face; you stumbled and fell over a coffee table; or you fell down the stairs and broke your arm; I never touched you,” making sure they never admit to the fact that the reason those things happened to you, were because the abuser was chasing you, screaming and spitting all over you with their disgusting breath, threatening you with a fist held in your face, throwing lit matches at you, throwing bottles or furniture at you, shoving you, throwing or kicking your pet or child across the room that you were trying to protect, dragging you by your hair and otherwise. And after or during all of this, they’ll scream at you, “You better damn well have sex with me, now!” Because well, “you are lucky,” because no one will ever love you other than them. None of what they do or say is love. You are never responsible for someone else’s bad behavior. Get some relief and support. Schedule your session here.