Is the Narcissist Looking for Connection or Service?

Narcissists attach but they do not connect because they cannot bond. The connection you feel with a narcissist is with yourself; your strong desire to be loved and have the inspirational love you thought you were getting in the beginning. 

My clients often talk about their so-called connection with the narcissist. They argue, “Oh we have such amazing sex.” I say, “Really? What it is like immediately after sex?” It’s an important question and the answer is maybe THE most defining factor.

The Narcissist Could Not Care Any Less About Connection

Everything the narcissist is experiencing sexually is all about themselves no matter what they are saying to you. Pay attention. They are thinking to themselves, ”Look how amazing I am. The way I am feeling is so superior. Only I, the omnipotent, could cause this to happen. I’m so awesome that I can make myself feel this incredible ecstasy I am physically feeling.

Look at my body and the way I move. Wow, I am overwhelmed with myself.”  It’s all physical and about their body. If you feel amazing, they will take it from you and one-up you because it’s got be all about them. 

Remember, you are not worthy of existing to them. You are not even part of the equation. It’s all about them. The narcissist can insert someone else into the scene in their minds or in reality. Don’t fool yourself that what they are saying to you or how they are acting with you is real.

Everything they are with you, they are or have been with someone else they wanted to hold in their web. And they know what holds a person in their web. They only seek out empaths: those who will tolerate them. 

Without the ability to bond, you become just another specimen. 

Narcissists Seek Service

Narcissists will become attached to you or metaphorically ON you, especially if you are a good service provider. Service is what the narcissist is seeking and as long as they can keep you serving them, they see no immediate need to completely discard you until the position is filled by someone else. And many, even after they secure a new feeder, will keep all their old feeders in the background.  Don’t be fooled into thinking their attachment is love, or connection or a bond to you.

The Verdict

Any feigned kindness you experience from them is part of whatever agenda they are currently building towards and you serving them is the biggest part of them achieving their agenda. 

Narcissists cannot bond to you. The capacity to deeply care about another person is simply not there. You are simply a servant. 

AND… they would crawl up inside you and take over your body and being if they could: like a parasite. I often refer to them as like a spider; feeding on you as you are trapped in their sticky web, but sometimes they are more like a parasite.

You are the host body because you don’t realize they have attached themselves on to your being and you cannot just swat them off of you.