Learn to say NO – Narcissists hate no. They will throw it around endlessly but you better not. Say no to be dragged in to defending yourself over and over. No more defending about anything. Walk away.
Re-write your life story. Whether your story is recent or life-long, if a narcissist hears a story of pain, trauma, unforgiveness, or anyone or anything that caused you harm, they zoom in on you like a hawk diving on a mouse. They see this as feeding time. You are weakened and they can get the upper hand with someone wounded like you.
Let go! There’s no fixing this! Instead of blaming yourself for falling for their manipulation or judging yourself for letting them mistreat you for so long — remember they are master manipulators – give yourself a break. Understand your personality and your willingness to help. Offer yourself forgiveness instead and set your boundaries for your life and live by them. You can’t change the past, and you can’t change their behavior or actions. You only have power over yourself.
Talk to other victims – but only temporarily. (remember you are re-writing your story and you will sum up your life of narcissistic abuse in one sentence that will end with a success) The support group understands and has no judgment and this provides you some release and builds strength.
Dig Deep – How did it come to be? Learn about your unwillingness to be alone and where that is coming from.
How did you decide you could be a fixer? Dig into your life. How did you grow up? Did you have to fix everything? Gain understanding about why you believe you can fix or handle the person/situation.
Re-connect with your gut feelings – They do not steer you wrong. Take some time to re-learn who you are and what you value. It’s all still there. It’s just been traumatized and broken down. You can do this with meditation, journaling, listening to lovely music that doesn’t have words. But I want to caution you if you are still in contact with your narc, you it will be challenging to grow.
