You Aren’t Chocolate. Stop Trying to Make Everyone Happy.

7 Ways to Survive a Narcissist

1. Learn to say NO – Narcissists hate no. They will throw it around endlessly but you better not. Say no to being dragged in to defending yourself over and over. No more defending about anything. Walk away.
2. Re-write your life story. Whether your story is recent or life-long, if a narcissist hears a story of pain, trauma, unforgiveness, or anyone or anything that caused you harm, they zoom in on you like a hawk diving on a mouse. They see this as feeding time. You are weakened and they can get the upper hand with someone wounded like you.
3. Let go! There’s no fixing this! Instead of blaming yourself for falling for their manipulation or judging yourself for letting them mistreat you for so long — remember, they are master manipulators – give yourself a break. Understand your personality and your willingness to help. Offer yourself forgiveness instead. Set your boundaries for your life and live by them. You can’t change the past, and you can’t change their behavior or actions. There’s nothing wrong with you. You don’t need to change. You simply need to change your circumstances. You have power to change the course of your own life.
4. Talk to other victims – but only temporarily. (Remember, you are re-writing your story and you will sum up your life of narcissistic abuse in one sentence that will end with a success) The support group understands and has no judgement and this provides you some release and builds strength.
5. Dig Deep – How did it come to be? Learn about your unwillingness to be alone and where that is coming from. Why are you willing to put up with monsters in order to not be alone.
6. How did you decide you could be a fixer? Dig into your life. How did you grow up? Did you have to fix everything? Did you have to be the parent instead of the child? Gain understanding about why you believe you can fix or handle the person/situation.
7. Re-connect with your gut feelings – They do not steer you wrong. Take some time to re-learn who you are and what you value. It’s all still there. The abuser has devalued all that is dear to you. You’ve been traumatized and your values broken down. You can heal with meditation, support, coaching, journaling, listening to lovely music that doesn’t have words. But I want to caution you, if you are still in contact with your narc/abuser, it will be challenging to grow and heal.

The Verdict

Ultimately we don’t want to “handle” our narcissistic emotional abuser. We are not their handler. What we want to accomplish is truly getting a handle on what the disorder is so we can get this out of our lives forever.

First we have to get properly educated, which does not mean online hearsay – Go to Beating Narcissism to learn.  Next we have to get support. Next we have to get away from the narcissist – Go to Beating Narcissism Course Series. Next week have to go into recovery – Go to Beating Narcissism Recovery to gain recovery skills. Next we have to rediscover who we really are and what we really want – Go to Re-Discovering Our “Self” After Abuse Recovery.

Lastly, we have to go out and live the new life we’ve created!  Follow these steps to get to your healed and happy life!