Ever go to a social function, party with friends, evening out with new friends, and notice that your partner (who is possibly narcissistic – you haven’t allowed yourself to fully believe this yet) is very Quiet? Charming? Calm? Sexy? Supportive? Even Sweet? Shy? Letting you SHIIIIINE like a diamond? Letting you shine like he/she did when you first started dating? Get ready…you are being observed! Observed for any weaknesses, vulnerabilities, information you are supplying that will enable your narc to TAKE YOU DOWN when you least expect it! Get ready! It’s coming…
I’m am very sorry to bring this to you when the party was so nice and it was so nice to be making new friends and things seemed to be turning a good corner…but… it is time for you to start allowing the truth. Remember, your narc is both people — both the charming, caring, loves you more than anything, supportive love, AND the hostile, abusive, violent, critical, emotionally unavailable, me, me, me, suck the life out of you, gas lighting, chaotic, changing the story inside out for up to 16 hours non-stop at time, blaming you for the episode, how could you do this to him/her, not allowing you to sleep, following you in to other rooms not giving you space, breaking your things, blaming you for everything, unable to take any responsibility at all for the pain and suffering they are causing you.
The next episode is right around the corner. You know it’s coming. You see the behavior changing. It’s accelerating. You know it is. He/she is getting darker. He/she is not sleeping. You must be the reason. Right? WRONG! It’s never your fault. There is never a reason for someone to abuse you. They can leave you if they don’t like you. Abusing you is unacceptable.
What do I mean you are asking yourself? You know what I mean…nothing is your fault but you will begin to modify your behavior whether you realize it or not. You are going in to protective mode. What did you do/say that is sending him off? You better start modifying, right? You did nothing!!! Your narc loves this modification process because 1).
he/she knows you are unaware that your modifying your behavior to keep things calm, and 2). this lets your narc know that you are about to let him/her have a great big episode pouring his/her evil down all over you, suffocating you like quicksand, sucking the life out of you, while the narcevil feeds. The evil FEEDS on your empathy.
Verdict
Your narc is constantly observing you and your behavior modification. Pay attention… you will begin to modify your behavior when your body and senses warn you that your narc’s behavior is progressing towards the next episode…
Will you stay or will you go this time? If you stay, you are going to need tools. If you go, you are going to need a plan and exit strategy. Please reach out to me either way for the tools, map, and support at calendly.com/yvettethecoach. I can help.