The narcissist likes no one. Everything they do is based around getting people who don’t really know them to like THEM! No one who truly knows a narcissist likes them, ever! The narcissist knows it. They don’t care. What matters to the narcissist is maintaining the delusion that they are addicted to of looking amazing to the outside world in their own eyes. There are two ways the narcissist feeds their perfection delusion. 1). They continue to find new people who they can deceive in to believing their delusion, and 2). They never get to know anyone very well and they never let those outsiders know who they are if they can help it. Once they see someone starting to recognize what they are, they will back away from that person and create distance.
The narcissist has needs of that of a child. He/She will behave badly towards you, feel bad about themselves afterwards and then seek comfort from YOU for abusing YOU! Did you just get that? They will violate you and your life, and then USE you to provide them solace from their horrible selves.
Children are bad and say mean things to their friends, teachers or parents, etc. Parents and others will comfort the child and try to help them grow up and understand that they cannot be bad and do well in society. Narcissists never learned to grow up emotionally and they never will. You cannot help them grow up.
Who comforts you for the pain the narcissist just caused you? Not him/her. There will be no comfort for you. There may be a feeble, “sorry” but you will feel ugly after that “sorry” in a way that sorry never made you feel before when someone else said sorry to you. You will be busy falling into their love bombing, giving them sex, sucking up every bit of the attention from them that you’ve been missing. After, you will feel the emptiness; the loneliness; the longing; the wanting: All of the things you are not getting. I talk about this a lot in my Beating Narcissism course.
The narcissist does not like you. You must get this! They will do anything to keep you in their life because they have some reason, some motivation for doing so that has nothing to do with you and making your life better – though they will yell at you often, screaming at you in your face, how good they are to you and how much better off you are for knowing them. Whatever the reason is for keeping you around, it has nothing to do with liking or loving YOU! They are always calculating and scheming to create or maintain their delusion of being perfect and the best. There is something about you that is helping them with this delusion.
Maybe you have figured out the reason and yet you are not ending contact. You may still be believing that he/she really does care about you but they are mentally ill and cannot express it properly. Get out of that mindset right now! There is no scientific data to date, that shows narcissists have a biological/chemical reason for using people. Narcissism is a personality disorder. They behave badly because they can get what they want by doing so.
For the victim who is very attractive, the reason to keep you can be nothing more than you bring the narcissist the status and attention they believe makes them look good in public circles. Of course we know that they are all about the appearance of being something special — the most special in the room. While they do not really like you, in their minds they must keep you, the attractive one, around for the time-being because you make them look good. And by the way, while you are making them look good, they will find a way to say or do something in the social setting that makes you feel one inch tall. Others might notice it or maybe not. You will feel it fully.
Another very common reason the narcissist keeps its victims around is for convenient sex at their beckon-call. They are all about sex. Did you just comprehend the meaning behind that statement? Sex. Not love or loving kindness. Sex. For many of them their only reason for continuing to live is to have sex. Not love…sex. They don’t experience love. Remember that. They don’t like you but they will have sex with you at a split second’s notice. On the opposite side of that, if they are feeling they need more control, they will try to get you in a position of begging them for sex. They are perfect so you know you want them right? There is a lot more about this in my course, Beating Narcissism. What you need to do is pay attention to how mechanical they are in sex. There is no spiritual connection. It is strictly physical and it may be very technically well put together or it may be the worst sex you’ve ever had. It will be in the extreme either way and it will not be spiritual. Narcissists never rest in the middle of anything. Black and white. On or off is how they operate.
It doesn’t matter what the reason is that the narcissist in your life is keeping their hooks in you. What matters is that you get a handle on the fact that the narcissist DOES NOT LIKE YOU. You must admit this to yourself. Do you want to continue contact with someone who does not and cannot like you or anyone else?
To get some relief and learn some tools to help move forward try the course Beating Narcissism.