Have you been trying to determine if you are finding yourself in a romantic relationship with a narcissist? Don’t be fooled by everything you are reading online. Not all narcissists cheat and not in every relationship. If yours is not cheating, is does not mean he/she is not a narcissist. It simply means they are not cheating on YOU! And it doesn’t mean they won’t cheat sometime in the future and it doesn’t mean they will.
Keep in mind the key trait of the narcissist is the lack of responsibility in their chaos, which causes a great deal of damage to those closest to them.
Narcissists will often be cheating on someone else when they hook you in. You may or may not know but often they like it when all parties suspect or know. The narcissist feels a great deal of power when he/she can pit two or three people against each other and continue relationships on some level with all involved. See, narcissists are not interested in depth in relationship so as long as the sex is happening they believe they are winning at life. Sex is the only reason they keep living in their lives. It’s not about relationship for a narcissist. It’s all about winning. Oh and let’s not forget being right. So if the sex is still occurring in any or all of their so-called relationships, in their minds, they are powerful (they are still sucking YOU in), in control, right, and most of all winning. They don’t like you so they really don’t care how you are affected.
Narcissists have a very complex relationship with themselves. They love themselves more than any other being. They view themselves as something like God or a god. They think they are the most exceptional person on the planet and at the same time they loathe themselves. In their loathing, they will do everything in their power to project perfection so you will not know who they really are. Yes, all of this is occurring at the same time. Their loathing is deeper than hatred. Their admiration for themselves is unnerving and it is the epitome of delusion. Their loathing of themselves is so deeply rooted that most average people can never really experience evil on the level that resides within them (they project it on to you as much as you will allow but that horrible, drained and depleted feeling you feel because of them, can not even begin to compare to the darkness they are trying to escape). It is the darkest, deepest, black hole, infinite, ever increasing negativity, that you can never imagine…and who would want to.
In all their admiration of themselves and simultaneous loathing and disappointment in themselves, they might choose cheating to feed these two dichotomies. If you think about it, what better way to experience their perfectionism, power, charisma and calculating skills — fulfilling the delusion of how exceptional they think they are — while at the same time providing themselves something loathsome, denigrating, hateful, and often just plain gross — fulfilling their simultaneous belief and feeling that they will never be anything better than a lowly, disgusting cheat. It’s even more complex than all of this but this is a good start for understanding the defeating, dichotic nature of the narcissist.
The narcissist will not and cannot grow. When a narcissist “grows”, their growth is in becoming better at honing their deceitfulness, not becoming a better human. Average humans, over their lifetime of lessons, grow in to being better humans, gaining more compassion and becoming better equipped to give and receive love. Narcissists are missing that human capacity. They instead hone and perfect the ability to fane compassion, fane love and fane receiving love and then yes… you likely just thought and you are correct…via their exceptional ability to fane, they believe they are the almighty conquerers for achieving those faning skills at such an exceptional level! And their admiration of themselves soars! They miss the whole point and life experience.
Many people cheat for many reasons, none of them good and mature of course. Though the cheating trait is narcissistic, not all cheaters are narcissists and not all narcissists cheat.